Hurry up and wait

Every journey I have done before has been deliberately low-tech and low-key. I like nothing more than adventures. I like nothing less than organising them, especially if they require huge amounts of money and logistical coordination. And if all of that (and with it the success or failure of the expedition) is entirely out of my hands then I feel terrible. That's the situation at the moment: we're waiting on sponsors' decisions; our careers and our futures in the hands of powerful men and women with more pressing concerns in their lives. And, because Andy and Ben are the experts at this game whereas I am just an eager beginner, there is very little that I can do to help move things along. I am desperate to get involved, partly because I want to have my destiny in my own hands, partly because I believe I can help, but mostly because I'm just freakin' excited to be planning an expedition to the South Pole, so thrilled to have this opportunity, and so happy to have got my life back on track.
I feel sorry for my wife, that I am at my most animated when I am talking of dangerous activities on the other side of the planet from where she will be. I did try hard to settle down to normal life in order to be with her. She knows that, she knows that this is for only four months, and she is happy to see me happy again. I'm a lucky man.
This expedition means so much to my career. It is the opportunity to follow up the bike expedition with something that is equally huge. It has great potential for writing and photography and education and public speaking. It is an opening I must not fail to grasp. And that is why it is so difficult to be out of my hands.