A video to cheer you up

The old collapsing chair gag. Thirty seconds of entertainment.

The London Gladiator rides again...

salar-1.jpg, originally uploaded by www.alastairhumphreys.com.

Well, he was the only cyclist in the race, but hey, a win is still a win!

On Monday 25th August 2008, after setting off from Tooting Bec almost exactly 3 weeks earlier on his bike and after pedalling almost exactly 2000 kilometres, my good friend Tootus Maximus finally arrived in Monaco to become the winner of the first ever Gladiatour de France.

I caught up with Tootus on a beach in Nice. Whilst eating an ice cream, an exhausted and emotional Tootus said: 'I've been in a few great battles in my time, but that was tough, really tough. The first 1000 kilometres to Lake Geneva weren't too bad as it was all pretty flat, but after that, it became pretty tough in the Alps. Some of the mountains were so high that it took almost an hour and half of non-stop pedalling uphill to get to the top.

What amazing views you get from the top of those mountains though! What amazing people I met on the way too! The French and all the other cyclists I met along the way were incredibly kind. I can't wait to organise next year's Gladiatour de France for other people to take part in as it's a really original and exciting challenge to complete.'

Two further things Tootus asked me to remind you about:

1) He rode in his gladiator suit for 3 weeks from Tooting Bec to Monaco for charity. If you would like to donate, just go to www.wcrf-uk.org/gladiator Thank you to everyone who has donated so far.

2) Every now and then Tootus would like to show you a photograph or two (like the ones attached) to keep you up to gladidate with what he is up to (his next challenge will be running the Great North Run with 25 other gladiators in October). Please go to Tootus Maximus' space on Facebook and add him as a friend http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=727647672
so he can keep you fully informed with what he's up to.

Best wishes and keep it gladiatoreal,

Will Hodson (on behalf of Tootus Maximus)

So you think you are having a bad day?

The first gay ...sorry, the first blind man to climb Everest

This video is so outrageous. It absolutely cracked me up and, thankfully, made Eric laugh too. Amazing guy.

Top Tips

You may have visited this site to glean some useful tips for an expedition you are planning. Well here are some

Top Tips

for life instead...

Very silly, but a recent nostalgia-chat about our teenage days reminded me of good old Viz.

Buy a television set exactly like your neighbours. Then annoy them by standing outside their window and changing their channel using your identical remote control.
MOTORISTS. Pressing your 'fog lights' switch a second time after the fog has cleared will actually turn your fog lights off.
Cheer loudly at 8.00pm each Saturday to fool the neighbours into thinking you have won the Lottery.
Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon.
Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y,
Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.
Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic. - D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead
When crossing a one-way street always look in BOTH directions in case a large blue furniture removal lorry is reversing the wrong way up the road. - D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead General Infirmary
Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower. - B. Johnson, Canada
FOOL other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the kerb.
DRILL a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.
BOMB disposal experts' wives. Keep hubby on his toes by packing his lunchbox with plasticine and an old alarm clock.
SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat.
AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
DON'T INVITE DRUG ADDICTS round for a meal on boxing day. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.
OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
A TEASPOON placed in a glass on the back seat of your car makes a handy audible gauge for road bump severity.
BUS DRIVERS. Pretend you're an airline pilot by wedging your accelerator pedal down with a heavy book, securing the steering wheel with some old rope, and then strolling back along the bus chatting casually to the passengers.
SAVE petrol by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you've broken down and help.
AVOID being wheel-clamped by jacking your car up, removing the wheels and locking them safely in the boot until you return.
NO TIME for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
Bearded men can obtain the appearance of an upper class Arctic explorer by simply applying Tippex to their beards, painting their noses blue, and cutting off a couple of toes. It never fails to impress the girls.
PEOPLE whose surname is Toblerone should always take along an empty 'Toblerone' chocolate box when attending interviews for office jobs. This would save your potential employer the expense of having to make a name plaque for your desk, and therefore increase your chances of getting the job.

So you want to write about Africa?

You've travelled a bit? You've seen some of the world? You're smart and liberal? You're not naive, you're not idealistic? Sounds like you're the perfect person to write another book about Africa. I certainly cringed a little when I read this advice from Binyavanga Wainaina:

Always use the word 'Africa' or 'Darkness' or 'Safari' in your title.
Subtitles may include the words 'Zanzibar', 'Masai', 'Zulu', 'Zambezi',
'Congo', 'Nile', 'Big', 'Sky', 'Shadow', 'Drum', 'Sun' or 'Bygone'. Also
useful are words such as 'Guerrillas', 'Timeless', 'Primordial' and
'Tribal'. Note that 'People' means Africans who are not black, while 'The
People' means black Africans.

Never have a picture of a well-adjusted African on the cover of your book,
or in it, unless that African has won the Nobel Prize. An AK-47, prominent
ribs, naked breasts: use these. If you must include an African, make sure
you get one in Masai or Zulu or Dogon dress.

In your text, treat Africa as if it were one country. It is hot and dusty
with rolling grasslands and huge herds of animals and tall, thin people who
are starving. Or it is hot and steamy with very short people who eat
primates. Don't get bogged down with precise descriptions. Africa is big:
fifty-four countries, 900 million people who are too busy starving and dying
and warring and emigrating to read your book. The continent is full of
deserts, jungles, highlands, savannahs and many other things, but your
reader doesn't care about all that, so keep your descriptions romantic and
evocative and unparticular.
Make sure you show how Africans have music and rhythm deep in their souls...

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The Gladiatour de France

You will know that the Tour de France is the world's largest annual sporting event. Well, each year, 8500 'normal'* people take the opportunity to race one of the stages of the Tour in an event called L'etape du tour. It is a tough event - if you are too slow you get binned, and the mountains are the same high, painful ones that the pros slog over.
I have to confess that I am friends with the London Gladiator and this year he has decided to take on the challenge of the 'Gladiatour de France' to raise money for the World Cancer Research Fund. Have a look here...
Good luck, Will!

Bell

Using a bell is certainly sensible in busy areas. This very random video shows how disciplined the Japanese are at moving aside when they hear a bell...

Wrong Guy

One of the funniest things I saw this year. Click

here

to read the article and watch the video of poor Guy Goma, who found himself on the wrong interview, live on BBC World news...

Brilliant

This, surely, is the spirit of bonkers travel... I can't believe he's not English!
Anyway, well done, Sir.